Wanting...

Several years ago I was talking with a coworker and asked her if it was hard to be single. She was in her early forties and had never been married. We chatted and she expressed that yes, at one time she had hoped and longed to be married, but now was content with her life and the journey God had taken her on. Then she said something that has always stuck with me:

"It's better to want what you don't have than to have what you don't want." 

The wisdom in that simple phrase has come to mind time and time again when I get caught in the wanting game. I want more sleep, more energy, more time. I want better hair, whiter teeth, and cuter clothes. I want best friends who live on my block and understand me all the time. More money, better communication, a bigger house, kids who never whine, and flatter abs. I want. I want. I want!

And then I remember those words. Especially the last part...to have what you don't want. What if I had a child with a severe disability or a husband with a terminal illness. What if I had no food for my family or didn't know how to read. A lack of hope, no one to call a friend, an abusive past...all things I would never want.

How blessed I am to NOT have what I don't want!

And really, when I think about it, I really do want everything I have. A husband who is smart and funny and my best friend. Two insanely cute and precious little boys. Two legs to walk on and two arms to hug the ones I love. A sharp mind (when I'm not sleep deprived) and friends who care for my heart. The amazing-grace gift of salvation and a relationship with Jesus. Wow. Everything I have I want!

I guess wanting is not such a bad thing...if you want what you already have.

Be content with what you have, because God has said,

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

-Hebrews 13:5

Wear What Fits

So I changed the look of my blog. When I saw this new background it just seemed to fit.

While I loved the Old World look and worn, travel journal feel of my old blog template, I decided that didn't really resonate with this season of my life. The previous design reminded me of pouring over aged books or sifting through antique treasures.

There is no space in my life right now for pouring anything but juice into sippy cups. The only things I have time to sift through are baskets of laundry and boxes of toys.

I liked the idea of the old design, but it's just not me. This new one is. I am trying to embrace not what I WISH were elements in my current life (like vacations to cobblestone paved European villages or a full night's sleep), but rather what IS.

Blue is the clear sky under which the boys and I take our daily walk. Green are the beautifully manicured lawns I admire as we stroll our neighborhood streets. And simple and magical is a dandelion wish, which is the kind of childhood I hope to give my sons.

Humility 101

I'm taking a life course called Humility 101. My current instructors are a toddler and a newborn.

Here are a few lessons from today's curriculum.

1. Your primary function in life is a milk machine and butt wiper.
2. You think you know how to discipline your self-asserting toddler, but everything that  should work does not.
3. You realize that you might just blow your entire savings account if someone offered you 24 hours of uninterrupted sleep.
4. You give everything you have, yet you still feel like it's not enough.

Knowing that my attitude and actions each day directly effect two little lives that are totally dependent on me is very humbling.

I'm trying to learn how to fully go to God for the strength that I need and accept his grace for my many shortcomings.

These are some challenging days. But I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Your prayers for this leg of the journey are greatly appreciated.

Please meet my humble instructors...

Professor Elias

Professor Noah

My Little Explorer

Curious. Inquisitive. Brave. Adventurous.

100% BOY!

Noah is 19 months old and loves to climb, explore, and try new things. About a month ago we found a quaint little hidden park in a nearby neighborhood. Noah had a blast discovering every inch of his new favorite playground.

I love my little explorer!

More and more...

Five years ago today I said "I do" to a life-long journey with my best friend.

As a young bride, I was deeply in love with my new husband. But over the past half decade I have learned so much more what it means to love and be loved.

I love Chris more each time I see him thrive at a job he's passionate about. I love him more when I see him act with integrity and treat others with respect. I love him more when I watch him be an incredible father to our two boys.

Every day, I love him more and more.

Here are a few memorable moments from the day our journey began.

Happy Anniversary, My Love!

Here's to loving you more and more for another five years...plus fifty more!

Introducing Elias

On Tuesday, July 13, 2010 at 5:18 pm,
God brought another small but spectacular miracle into this world.

I am proud to introduce to you

Elias Michael Keife

7 lbs 3 oz

20.5 in

The whole family adores little Eli already!

We are doing well...

adjusting to this "welcomed change"...

and very blessed by our beautiful baby boy.

Resisting Welcomed Change

Today could be the big day. The day I give birth to my second son. The day my little family of three becomes four.

I am so excited to meet this whirly, twirly, kicking machine who's been growing inside me these past 38 weeks. I can't wait to look into his little eyes, caress his little cheeks, let him wrap his tiny hand around my finger. Welcoming baby Elias is a blessing we've been praying for, preparing for, and waiting for.

So, why I am resisting?

Last night as I was rocking and singing to Noah during his bedtime routine, I burst into tears. The thought that this could be my last night with only Noah to soak up my love and attention overwhelmed me. I've had almost 19 months with my little buddy and now everything is about to change.

Of course, in my head I know that all the joys and blessings, love and laughter Chris and I have experienced being Noah's parents will only multiply with the addition of Eli to our family. I know that it will be an incredible journey coming to know this new little person and seeing Noah become a big brother. There is much to look forward to. And I am genuinely excited.

But I have always had a hard time with change. Even good change. I like to know what to expect. Probably because when I can anticipate circumstances I feel like I can control the outcome. But here I am again on the edge of a big uncharted sea...mothering a toddler AND a newborn! (Not unknown territory to mankind, I understand...but still a scary adventure for me.)

Had only I prepared more! Had only I made time to reread the parenting and breastfeeding and baby care books I poured over when I was pregnant with Noah. Will I remember what to do? Had only I organized my underwear drawer and hand-mopped the floors and scrubbed the refrigerator shelves. Wouldn't I feel so much better going into today?

Yes, I'm sure I'll remember how to care for my new baby. No, I'm pretty sure had I done all those things my mind would just be on the other dozens of items on my never-ending list of to-dos.

So, what now? I don't know for sure if Elias will make is big debut today. But I do know that I need to turn to my loving God and ask Him to take care of me. Really, that's what I need to do every day.

With God's tender guidance I know I can lean into this season of change. I will endure the hard moments and savor the sweet ones. I will trust that He knows what I need, what my husband needs, and what BOTH of my sons need. And He will be faithful to the end.

Simple Pleasures

One of the best things about being the mom of a young child is

getting to re-experience the world through a child's eyes.

I love watching Noah get excited about life's simple pleasures.

Things like crayons, Cheerios, orange popsicles, and digging in dirt.

Sometimes I can make life feel so complicated.

Noah helps me get back to the basics.

Unexpected Growth

Several months ago while Chris was doing yard work he chopped down
a very unruly rose bush.
It wasn't producing many flowers and posed more of a thorny trap
for a curious toddler than anything else.

I hadn't thought much about this bygone plant until the other day
when I looked out my side kitchen window and saw this:

Because Chris hadn't taken out the roots, the rose actually benefited from the severe pruning.

From far away it is clearly a small, unimpressive plant.

But up close, it is beautiful.

I wasn't expecting new growth from forgotten roots.

This made me think...what beautiful thing might God want to grow in me?
Is there an area of my life that I've disregarded as a thorny burden
that God could transform into a source of beauty?

Pruning isn't pleasant.

 But the result can clearly produce something that is worth the pain.

Dare I ask God for some unexpected growth in my life?

Dare you?

My Heart Smiles

Motherhood.

I can think of no other "job" that requires so much self sacrifice or

produces so many heart-melting smiles.

When I look at these pictures of everyday moments, 

I forget about the sacrifice and only feel the smile.

Noah, being your mommy is my privilege, my joy.