When You're Depleted, God Can Use Costco to Fill You Up

"Stay in the car while I go get a cart," I told Noah and Elias with a stern voice and eyes that meant it. I already had Jude strapped on me and I wanted to snag the boys' double-wide ride just across the aisle. But before I got to our van's silver bumper, there was a woman waiting with a cart for me. She must have overheard my instructions to the boys. "I remember what it was like having young kids," she said warmly.

*     *     *

After flashing my membership card at the door a stylish couple with an adorable toddler with blonde pigtails shot a smile my way. "That use to be me!" the wife said. "This is our youngest and our other two are now in school. I hardly know what to do with myself without all three to look after." We exchanged a knowing look, from a mom who's been there to a mom who's there.

*     *     *

While deciding which brand of organic whole grain bread to buy, a dashing elderly man stopped his cart next time mine and with a cool Scottish accent said, "What a handsome family you have. Such a blessing."

*    *    *

As we were making our way to the last samples stand, coconut granola I think, another sweet senior flagged us down. His wrinkles were deep but his eyes shined with life. "Twins?" he asked pointing to Noah and Eli, sitting side by side. I told him their ages, 4, 3, and 1, and Eli showed off his new silly face. "Do they have a piggy bank?" he asked and then took two crisp one dollar bills out of his pocket, folded in rectangles with perfect creases. The boys' eyes lit up like the man's. "That's for being good helpers for your mama. Take good care and save that in your bank," he said. I thanked him for his kindness, and for his service, nodding at the WWII veterans cap he wore proudly.

*     *     *

When we finally made it to the front of the store, there were long lines of carts piled high. I calculated our chances for the fastest check-out and made my way over to the most promising line. Another shopper pulled up at the exact same time. Though we were pushing lunch time and nap time, I told the man to please go ahead. But he kindly insisted I move in front of him, even though my cart had double the stuff. "Thanks a lot," I smiled. Then when we finally made it to the loading zone, I was straining to reach the avocados that has slid to the depths without squishing Jude who was still strapped on me in the baby carrier. "Can I help you with that?" the same man asked. And then loaded the rest of our groceries onto the black conveyor belt.

*     *     *

Is my neighborhood Costco just full of kind-hearted citizens all ready to offer a helping hand or encouraging word? Maybe. Or does God pour out his loving kindness in everyday ways because he sees you always and knows what you need most and when? Absolutely.

Yes, it was a more pleasant than usual trip to the big box store. But more than that, it was gifts of goodness from the Lord's heart to mine. 

It was him saying,  I saw you up all night long with a coughing four-year-old and I see your tired eyes and weary soul now. I saw you this morning when you snapped at the kids because your patience was depleted and you forgot to keep your focus on me. But I heard you say sorry to your precious little ones and you are precious to me, too, even when you fail. And I see the day and week and months ahead and it's gonna be long and you're gonna feel weak, but I am your strength and I'm always by your side. My goodness never ends, not even in Costco, and I'll use every stranger you meet to show you more of who I am and how much I love you.

Five Minute Friday: Last

"Writing is like a mirror, we see ourselves best in what we’ve written." -Lisa Jo

And that's why I take 5 minutes every Friday to write without worrying about getting it right. Click on over to Lisa Jo's blog to hear the whole story of the beauty and blessing of the Five Minute Friday Community.

Today's Word: Last

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"Me first! Me first!" they both shout.

Whether it's first to get help with their shoes, first to get their Monster's Inc. gummy vitamin, first to put a token in their Good Job Jar, first to go down the slide, first to open the door, my four- and three-year-old fight over who gets to be first.

I cringe at their self-first desires.

I know their hearts and minds are young, undeveloped. That's what these early years of training are for. To cultivate their understanding of right and wrong. To mold their desires toward the things of God instead of the things of this world. But I just wish that putting OTHERS FIRST came more naturally.

I cringe not only because I want my boys to share and treat one another with kindness, love and respect, but because, if I'm honest, their "Me first!" whines are a reflection of my own selfish ways.

I know what Jesus says: "The last will be  first."

But do my actions, my motives, my secret thoughts always show that I believe him? That I obey him?

I put me first when I go for that front row parking instead of allowing the parent behind me to have the prime spot for an easy drop off. I put me first when I plan a playdate that's easiest with my kids' schedules and energy levels instead of doing what's best for my friend. I put me first when I don't serve my husband with a joyful heart because I really want him to put my needs first. And on and on the things of me first.

But "me first" is not the perspective I want to hold, the attitude I want to embrace. I want to walk the road of ME LAST because that is the journey that takes me closer to Jesus.

Combating the "me first!" clamor first starts with me.

Love, Hospitality, and Jesus' Padawon

I can't stop thinking about this post since I read it last week.

The message of radical love. The shining truth of blessings through sacrifice. The incredible example of following Christ no matter the cost.

Several lines keep ringing in my heart. Like this:

Our actual theology is best expressed in our actual hospitality.

Hospitality is Life with no Gates.

Hospitality means if there is room in the heart--there is room in the house.

I've grappled with the implications of Ann Voskamp's words.

...So what I believe is best demonstrated by what I do.

This isn't new. No, I've heard this before.

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says....The man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it--he will be blessed in what he does." -James 1: 22, 25

And that's not all James, the half-brother of Jesus, had to say about it. Speaking about Abraham's example of doing what God said when he offered his son Isaac on the alter, he declared:

"You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did." -James 2:22

Am I listening to God's Word and then doing it? This is the question.

"Love one another." It's all over the Bible. Jesus is in the business of love and he wants us to be his partner, protege, padawon.

Then there is this that also reverberates in my soul:

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."-John 15:12-13

Clearly Jesus is the greatest example of sacrificial love to the point of a gruesome death on the cross for our redemption. Since I don't believe he's asking us to lay down our physical lives, what else about "life" might he be asking us, me, to lay down for the sake of loving my friends?

My comfort. My desires. My convenience. My preference. My pleasure. My will. My way.
...

It's amazing how when you ask God to SHOW you HOW to demonstrate your actual theology though actual hospitality, to show you HOW to love others and lay down your life, HE WILL DO IT!

He gave me the opportunity to extend an invitation to out of town family to stay in our home with us. Yes, we're already 5 people in a 2 bedroom house and squeezing in 4 more will take some creativity and flexibility, but Hospitality means if there is room in the heart--there is room in the house.

Then God gave me the opportunity to watch my niece and two nephews for several hours. Yes, my husband was working, and yes that meant having 6 kids 8 years oldand under (5 of them boys!). But Hospitality is Life with no Gates.

And that's just the beginning...

I share this not because I am awesome and always obey when God gives opportunities to clearly follow him. (Because I don't.) I share this because I am excited about this journey. Excited for what it means to love radically. Excited to put aside my own comfort to follow Christ's call to love.

It's absolutely amazing how God is using Katie to radically love children in Uganda. I'm encouraged and inspired by her example.

But in Ann's beautiful words:

Living radical isn’t about where you live — it’s about how you love.

It’s about realizing– Love doesn’t happen when you arrive in a certain place. It happens when your heart arrives in a certain place – wherever you are, right where you are, dirt road Africa or side street America.

Five Minute Friday: Small

It's that time of week so I'm linking for another Five Minute Friday....5 minutes to write without worrying about getting it right. This week's word: Small.

 

It's such a small word. Just one syllable.

Grace.

For much of my life this small word had a small impact. I heard it in church. I knew the Bible talked about it. But grace stayed in a little box tucked inside a larger box labeled Salvation which I stuffed in the big trunk called Jesus. Grace. I knew it was there. That I was somehow saved by it. That it had something to do with being right with God not because of how good I was but how much he loved us. An idea. A concept without credence.

But now things are different.

God has allowed me to take this small word out of the box I wrongly stuffed it in and has planted it in my heart, poured it all over my life. Now I understand that grace is too big to be boxed. Too powerful to be pinned down. Grace is the very nature of God and fills the very breath of our lives.

Yes, it is by grace that I will someday walk next to Jesus--a reality I can barely wrap my mind around.

But grace is not just for the someday. Grace is for every day. Today is grace.  It's every gift, every blessing, every trial he uses to draw me to himself. Grace is little arms wrapped tight around my neck. Grace is tromping on a wilderness trail and seeing one hundred hues of green. Grace is knowing I'm not a bad mom even when I have bad mothering moments. Grace is seeing God fill in the gap for where I lack.

Grace is God's love lavished without limits, without conditions. 

Not enough boxes in the world to contain all of Grace.

Whenever I see a middle-aged man eating solo at a restaurant, I think of him. I wonder how many meals he ate alone. How many moments he shared with no one.

He never told me he was lonely. But I imagine he mostly was. Though a childhood with a sister and cousins close as brothers. Though a high school and college career earning accolades that surely earned allies. Though twenty years of combined marriage, between my mom and the second. Though three daughters he admired.

Still lonely, I’m sure.

If only he could have unlocked the door that separated the deep pain from the desire to be truly known and loved. I can’t imagine to lose both parents, just barely on the shores of post-adolescence. Nor the pain of addiction, depression, divorce.

I wish I had had the eyes to see more then. Or the courage to act, to ask more about what I saw.

It pains me now to think of all those salads drenched in blue cheese dressing (no tomatoes!) eaten one slow bite at a time with just his loneliness to keep him company. Trapped by or chosen. Either way my heart grieves the life that could have been.

But Dad's not lonely now. No loneliness in Glory. Thank you, God.

*     *     *

I'm linking up with Five Minute Friday where Lisa Jo challenges us to just write without worrying if it's just right.

Let’s just write and not worry if it’s just right or not - See more at: http://lisajobaker.com/2013/08/five-minute-friday-lonely/#sthash.blGOxY90.dpuf

Lisa-Jo Baker

09 Aug 2013

Five Minute Friday: Lonely

in Five Minute Friday

Friday, time to crack open the chocolate ice cream and unscripted version of beautiful you!
Got five minutes? Let’s write. Let’s finger paint with words.
Let’s just write and not worry if it’s just right or not.

- See more at: http://lisajobaker.com/2013/08/five-minute-friday-lonely/#sthash.blGOxY90.dpuf

Summer Magic?

It's funny that my last post was about how we call Elias magical, because since then I've been seeing and hearing that word everywhere.

Bloggers are writing about it.
Friends are talking  about it.
Magazine articles are advertising how to get it...

The Most Magical Summer Ever.

Isn't summer just so magical? they all say.

As June blossomed into July and now July has melted into August, I've thought about this question. I've thought about their stories of perfect days at the beach and amazing family camping trips. But to be honest, as I've imagined their tan toes sunk in warm sand and faces lit by the warm glow of evening campfires, I've thought,

Nope, not so magical over here.

Because summer with a 4, 3, and 1 year old is really just regular life but hotter. It's still potty training and dinner making. It's still laundry and dishes and discipline. Nothing feels magical about bedtime battles with a strong-willed child. Yes, it's summer, but there's still fussing and whining and brothers bickering and occasionally biting. There's finishing the day with a to-do list with so many boxes still unchecked and yet feeling so spent that there's nothing left to give to one more to do.

So is it just me? Am I the only one not having the most magical summer ever?

Then I remember this from Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts:

"Isn't it here? The wonder? Why do I spend so much of my living hours struggling to see it? Do we truly stumble so blind that we must be affronted with blinding magnificence for our blurry soul-sight to recognize grandeur? The very same surging magnificence that cascades over our every day here. Who has time or eyes to notice?"

Oh, yes. THESE are the questions I should be pondering.  

Isn't the wonder HERE?
Here in the still same but hotter every day.  

Who has EYES to notice?
I will choose to have noticing eyes.

So I breathe deep. Take my eyes off the magical gifts of salty, beach-sun fun and crisp, mountain fill-your-soul air enjoyed by others, and place my eyes on the gifts of summer magic given to ME.

Then this is what I see.

Happy brothers posing for a Happy Father's Day photo. Magical.

Boys so strong like their super hero Dad. Magical.

 

My first two babies turned into Big Boy brothers, ready for their first day of VBS. Magical.

Captivated by Daddy and a garden hose. Magical.

 

Boring dirt and a fruitless tree made glorious by God's streaming rays of sun. Magical.

 

First time experiencing 4th of July fireworks. Magical.

Chalk on jeans. Chalk on cheeks. Baby in bucket. Magical.

 

Brotherly love. Magical.

 

Sun-kissed skin, surf boards, sharks, swim shirts, and sandals. Magical.

Isn't summer just so magical?  

Why yes, it is. 

Yes, it is.

Magical and Three

From the first moment I held him, he filled my life with new joy.

 

Elias Michael, my second son, was born three years ago today. And just like that first moment, my life as his mama has been marked by smiles...not because I have to, but because I can't help but to.

Not only is Elias sweet and smiley. He is also super silly, deliciously dirty, and full of affection.

Like all small kiddos, Eli has his moments of being moody, whiny, grumpy, and defiant. But overall, he really has the most tender, loving spirit. He loves to give kisses and cuddles, he loves to talk, explore, and accomplish new things.

But the one word Chris and I use most often to describe our terrific toddler is magical. 

It may sound strange, but it's the only word we've come up with to explain this intangible quality that Elias has that makes him so very special. Magical embodies how adorable, coy, flirty, innocent, naive, honest, vulnerable, and pure of heart he is.  

Magical is what gives us, his mom and dad,  an insatiable desire to hug and kiss and squeeze up all his scrumptiousness in awe and love and delight, regardless of how well or poorly he's behaving. His low raspy voice, his piercing eyes, his creamy cheeks, and gleeful grin---magical!

So Happy Birthday to my favorite three year old! I love you, Elias Michael! 

You ARE magical. 

And I am so very blessed that you are mine.

I’ve actually been thinking about this a lot lately…

To be present in the present is a present.

Tongue twister?

Truth.

In other words, to be mentally and emotionally engaged in the moment at hand is a gift.

A gift to my children, my husband, myself, my God. A gift I don’t always remember to give.

Sometimes I’m too caught up in the past. Dwelling on mistakes or wishing for past pleasures. Sometimes I’m too fixed on the future. Waiting for what is to come, either in dread or anxious excitement.

Sometimes I’m even too focused on trying to capture the present moment that I forget to just be present in it. Quick get the camera and document this adorable memory before it’s gone, I think. And while I love photos and videos of my amazing little boy crew…would I remember each gaze, antic, or milestone even better if I just soaked it all in, savored every second as it unfolded before me, around me, within me? 

I think of Jude’s laugh. There is nothing like it. Sometimes it rumbles from his little belly. Other times rattles in his throat or snorts out his tiny nose. But every time it’s the sound of joy. Of being fully present, fully engaged in the moment. Whether it’s birthed from my silly game of buzzing bumble bee while changing his diaper, or peek-a-boo behind the door frame at Daddy when I get him after a long afternoon nap. There is nowhere else Jude would rather be in those moments. And try as I may I can never capture the true essence of his gleeful giggle on film.

I just have to be present to enjoy the beautiful present of the present.

*     *     *

Lisa-Jo Baker

12 Jul 2013

Five Minute Friday: Present

in Five Minute Friday

“Writing is like wrapping yourself in words and giving yourself away.” ~@lisajobaker {click to tweet}

This is where a brave and beautiful bunch gather every week to find out what comes out when we all spend five minutes writing on the same topic and then sharing ‘em over here.

- See more at: http://lisajobaker.com/2013/07/five-minute-friday-present/#sthash.YXZQHp1X.dpuf

Lisa-Jo Baker

12 Jul 2013

Five Minute Friday: Present

in Five Minute Friday

“Writing is like wrapping yourself in words and giving yourself away.” ~@lisajobaker {click to tweet}

This is where a brave and beautiful bunch gather every week to find out what comes out when we all spend five minutes writing on the same topic and then sharing ‘em over here.

- See more at: http://lisajobaker.com/2013/07/five-minute-friday-present/#sthash.YXZQHp1X.dpuf

Come check out what other writers are saying about Present in their five minutes of unedited writing! And then set your timer and join in the writing fun, too.

Lisa-Jo Baker

12 Jul 2013

Five Minute Friday: Present

in Five Minute Friday

“Writing is like wrapping yourself in words and giving yourself away.” ~@lisajobaker {click to tweet}

This is where a brave and beautiful bunch gather every week to find out what comes out when we all spend five minutes writing on the same topic and then sharing ‘em over here.

- See more at: http://lisajobaker.com/2013/07/five-minute-friday-present/#sthash.YXZQHp1X.dpuf

Five Minute Friday: Beautiful

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, they say.

Sometimes clichés are cheesy. Sometimes they are true.

I remember coming across a picture several years ago that left me captivated. It was inspiring. Tender. Heartfelt. It was beautiful.

I was so taken by this picture that I set it as my desktop background at work, during my pre-kid days as a full-time editor. I felt blessed to glance up and see this visual masterpiece throughout my day.

But not everyone thought it was beautiful.

In fact, one dear coworker shrieked in startle and disgust when she turned from her nearby workstation and saw this.

My friend saw venous wrinkles, sagging skin, and bulging knuckles.

I saw a different picture. 

The story behind each wrinkle. Surely years of struggle and faith behind every line. And like the wedding ring on her aged finger, I saw a life marked by commitment and devotion, not only to her husband but to her Lord. 

I couldn’t see her face but I could see her heart.  I couldn’t pick her out of a line up but I wanted my life to look like hers. Beautiful.

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My linking up again for Five Minute Friday! Come join this beautiful community of hundreds bloggers in the creative gift of writing for five minutes just for the joy of writing.

More than...

Tears. Happy tears. 

I just read this post by Lisa-Jo called When they ask what you did today.

I'm not sure why the water wells in my eyes. I guess I feel stirred. Comforted that I'm not alone. Moved that someone else understands and is brave and beautiful enough to say it to herself, to me, to all of us.

Thanks, Lisa-Jo, for reminding me that I am more than a dish-washer, butt-wiper, meal-maker, fort-fixer, floor-sweeper, and milk machine!! 

 
I am hero. I am mama. All by God’s strength. His alone.