It reminds me of the wind.
Sometimes you can see a storm brewing in the distance. You know that high winds are on their way. You have time to prepare, to brace yourself for the force coming at you. Other times strong gusts appear as if from nowhere. Their strength almost knocking you down.
Then there is grief like a subtle breeze. It grazes your shoulders and whispers in your ear, a gentle reminder that something outside of you is stirring something within you.
It's been five months since my dad passed away.
Though I'm comforted knowing my earthly father is at peace in the presence of his Heavenly One, still...
I haven't much liked this journey of grief.
Haven't liked the days when the ache of loss is wind pushing at my back. When grief is the driving force in my heart and mind. Nor have I enjoyed when it comes at me like a blustery headwind, making it hard to take even one small step toward healing. And the days and weeks with seemingly no wind at all feel like a welcomed reprieve...until a whirly, twirly tornado darts in from my blind spot carrying the force of all the unspoken memories and unexpressed emotions of those quiet, windless days.
* * *
Sometimes I feel like grieving is a foreign language I'm suddenly expected to know. But instead of being fluent I'm stumbling to eek out an intelligible groan. I wish I knew more about grieving.
But I do know a few more things about the wind.
Wind is not always destructive. Its power can be productive, harnessed for helpfulness as by the beautiful sail of a boat on the open sea.
Wind can be cleansing. It can push out pollutants, leaving a clear sky and fresh, breathable, life-giving air.
Wind can be refreshing. The kiss of a cool breeze is renewing relief when the sun's scorching rays reach down for you.
Yes, grief is very much like the wind.
I don't fully understand where it comes from or where it leads. Why or how it can take so many forms. I don't know what course it will take or what purpose it will have on a given day. Don't always know how to prepare for it or find joy in it or be moved by it.
But I know it's Maker. I know Him, and I trust Him.
This picture reminds me of the beauty and chaos and peace and movement that comes with the wind.
I'm asking God that my grief would be the same.
