Friday, July 18, 2014

Making Space for Him to Bloom

I'm craving my own space, my quiet, my time to think, breathe. Find reprieve.

I'm missing what's been mine for the last five and a half years -- my midday security, sanity -- that's now slipping through my fingers.

I'm craving the ability to make things not change.

(I've never been good with change.)

Yes, I should be grateful for half a decade of nap-time solace (which means two years of mastering three boys' concurrent afternoon sleep.) And I am. I am SO thankful because I know it's been a gift to meet a need...

My need for a little uninterrupted time for me.

Write, read, pray, sleep. Work, clean, call, or weep. Ponder, wonder, dream, or sweep. Whatever the time is, it's alone time. Just me.

And I guess what's making me feel all angry and anxious is that I still have that need. But the means to meeting it must change, and I can't yet see how or when the replacement gift will come.

But the gift before me now is a little boy in tan shorts and a red plaid shirt, whacking away like a backyard golf pro.


He's beautiful and strong and sweet. He's stubborn and way too much like me.

I know I can't keep him small forever. I know he's meant to blossom, grow.

But today my son's sprouting (which I know will bear fruit, beauty) is a painful part of the process for his mama, who needs to make more space in her life, her heart, for him to stay awake and bloom.


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I'm joining Lisa-Jo and her beautiful friends to just write for five minutes, without over-thinking, double-checking, or worrying about getting it right. Today's word is Bloom.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh how I loved seeing you yesterday. Your heart just shines in your face. I love you for being transparent. I love your ability to express your need. Sometimes, for me, just doing that, seems to help with diminishing the power of the need. It helps me put things in perspective as you just did watching your son! You are a gift, Becky, to so many of us. Love you dearly, Gayle

Rachel Quigley said...

Oh, get that...just some time of quiet. It seems God works on us as mama's to learn in the noise how to quiet our hearts and enjoy these moments.

It's noisy and loud here in my house as well...18 years noisy...you'd think I have it down by now but this mama still has moments where I just want 10 minutes of uninterupted time.

Just so you know it does happen...sure not as often as we'd like but He refreshes as we lean into Him. We lean in close and see what He is doing in us, through us and to us!....and the same for our kiddo's.

Blessings to you in this day...May you have some moments and some MOM-moments where you see those blooming around you!

It was great to meet you! Happy weekend! :)

BARBIE said...

Beautiful!

Kesha's Life said...

Thank you for posting this. I can relate. I can so relate. Blessings on you. I appreciate your honesty.

Mindy Rogers said...

So glad to be on this part of the journey with you! I can completely relate to these feelings and those needs. You have done/are doing a beautiful job as a momma!