Whenever I see a middle-aged man eating solo at a restaurant, I think of him. I wonder how many meals he ate alone. How many moments he shared with no one.

He never told me he was lonely. But I imagine he mostly was. Though a childhood with a sister and cousins close as brothers. Though a high school and college career earning accolades that surely earned allies. Though twenty years of combined marriage, between my mom and the second. Though three daughters he admired.

Still lonely, I’m sure.

If only he could have unlocked the door that separated the deep pain from the desire to be truly known and loved. I can’t imagine to lose both parents, just barely on the shores of post-adolescence. Nor the pain of addiction, depression, divorce.

I wish I had had the eyes to see more then. Or the courage to act, to ask more about what I saw.

It pains me now to think of all those salads drenched in blue cheese dressing (no tomatoes!) eaten one slow bite at a time with just his loneliness to keep him company. Trapped by or chosen. Either way my heart grieves the life that could have been.

But Dad's not lonely now. No loneliness in Glory. Thank you, God.

*     *     *

I'm linking up with Five Minute Friday where Lisa Jo challenges us to just write without worrying if it's just right.

Let’s just write and not worry if it’s just right or not - See more at: http://lisajobaker.com/2013/08/five-minute-friday-lonely/#sthash.blGOxY90.dpuf

Lisa-Jo Baker

09 Aug 2013

Five Minute Friday: Lonely

in Five Minute Friday

Friday, time to crack open the chocolate ice cream and unscripted version of beautiful you!
Got five minutes? Let’s write. Let’s finger paint with words.
Let’s just write and not worry if it’s just right or not.

- See more at: http://lisajobaker.com/2013/08/five-minute-friday-lonely/#sthash.blGOxY90.dpuf